Dealing with difficult negotiators
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by Michael Chaffers
More often than we would like, we find ourselves negotiating with people who are rude, belligerent or dishonest. These people may lie, threaten us, or refuse to listen to our ideas. We might ask for a salary raise, and they belittle our value or our contribution to the company. Such negative tactics can easily provoke a reciprocal response from us; that is, confronted with such nasty behaviour, we push back just as hard. This confrontational situation produces deadlocks and often damages our working relationship with the other side. Thus, we hinder our ability to achieve our goals for the negotiation. A key part of being an effective negotiator is responding to such aggressive behaviour effectively and constructively. The following tips should help you effectively deal with the difficult negotiatior.
1. Reflect, don't react.
Many people respond to difficult negotiators by getting flustered, withdrawing from the conversation, mirroring the other side's activities - or even conceding the point. By reacting to difficult negotiators, you allow them to dictate the course of the negotiation and give them more power over you. Reflect; don't react. Don't say anything right away, no matter how angry or frustrated you might feel. Relax, let off steam and stay in control of yourself - maybe by counting to ten or calling a conference or a timeout. Allow them to continue their obnoxious behaviour, if they wish. When they attack your ideas, don't defend them; if they attack you, don't counter. Focus your energy on developing an effective strategy.
2. Ask yourself, Why might they be acting this way?
Strange as it may seem, most difficult negotiators are not really difficult people. They may be normal folks who, when presented with tough problems or situations, act in ways that aren't very constructive. Or, they might be people who have learned ineffective ways to negotiate. Before writing them off, put yourself in their shoes and see if you can find reasons for their behaviour. Are they under severe time pressures? Are they overburdened with responsibilities and demands? Do they lack experience in negotiating the items you are discussing? None of these reasons excuse their rudeness, but it may help you understand their motivations and see them as people with whom you can work.
